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’13 Reasons Why’ star Tommy Dorfman is engaged and in love: ‘It is very affirming’



Congratulations are in order for “13 Reasons Why” star Tommy Dorfman, who revealed Monday that she is engaged.

On the most recent episode of Rachel Bilson’s “Broad Ideas” podcast, the actors mentioned Dorfman’s childhood, household relationships, relationship experiences and gender transition a 12 months after the “Jane the Virgin” alum reintroduced herself as a transgender woman.

“There are people who fetishize trans women … so then that’s another thing to be cognizant of,” Dorfman instructed Bilson and co-host Olivia Allen.

“I’ve been fortunate to not have that experience … so much because I was so insular and private during my transition that I wasn’t out in the world. And then I fell in love with someone who doesn’t fetishize me in that way.”

The “Sharp Stick” actor additionally shared that — earlier than she began seeing her present companion — she hadn’t been romantically concerned with a lady in “a very long time.” Initially, Dorfman nervous that her feminine mates would really feel threatened by her transitioning and popping out as a lesbian or bisexual — that they may by no means belief her once more. It seems “those were the people who cared the least.”

“It’s just great,” Dorfman stated of her relationship along with her fiancée. “It’s very affirming. It’s very safe — also not safe, and being in love is so scary and so uncomfortable and so painful … all the universal feelings of being in love.”

One other manner Dorfman stated her fiancée helps her is by serving to her administer estrogen photographs — a course of she wasn’t aware of earlier than transitioning. Dorfman was beforehand married to Peter Zurkuhlen from 2016 to 2021.

“She knew how, so she did it for me the first time,” Dorfman stated. “Then she was out of town, and we FaceTimed, and she walked me through it.”

To this point, Dorfman’s most outstanding function has been that of Ryan Shaver, a male high-school pupil in Netflix’s “13 Reasons Why,” which ran from 2017 to 2020. If not for her skilled dedication to that present, Dorfman stated, she “would’ve started transitioning a lot sooner.”

“Because my work being so tied to my body and like face and like identity, and whatever I’d been identified as, it delayed some of my growth and maturation in my mid-20s,” she stated. “I made decisions that were just not aligned with how I really was or what I wanted — but out of fear.”

“I kind of got stuck in time for a minute … I had to kind of compartmentalize those things and put them away,” she added. “When it came to anything around dysphoria or gender or stuff that had already been really present, I was like, ‘Nope, that’s not for now, I’m working.’”

After residing publicly as a trans girl for greater than a 12 months, Dorfman mused that she doesn’t view transition as “a destination” a lot as “an evolution of self.”

“We’re all evolving,” she stated. “We’re all transitioning in a myriad of ways. We’re getting married. We’re getting divorced. People are dying. We rupture and fracture our lives across the board through different experiences.”



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